Thursday, May 19, 2011

the E.N.D


tomorrow my exams are getting over, a chapter ends, the 5 year old me who went to hostel will be coming out a full grown MAN , long times have passed and things have changed, and no matter how much i say i will not i will miss this life, but the change has to come , and no matter how hard i try the change will come so it is in my best interest to accept it, i will cease to remain a student , i will cease to remain dependent on my dad for DOUGH, and although independence is far more enticing and alluring , the life i will leave behind will always remain in my memories ....................

i hope to remain the old me , the me that is so true to myself, the me who has a thirst for knowing things, a thirst for meeting people and seeing new places , a me who fought with odds , a me who was laughed at , a me people questioned what i would make out of my life , a me who always got a thumbs down, a me who always got snubbed, i so love this me ,

and i just read a post saying ""THE PERSON WHO LAUGHS LAST LAUGHS THE LOUDEST"", and after all these years i guess this is the first time i have laughed back, and trust me I COULD NOT HAVE LAUGHED BACK HAPPIER and  LOUDER , in the ultimate end its me who is laughing and you who is mum !!!!!

to all the people who laughed at me, who questioned me , who snubbed me, and who tried to break me , i thank you the most for finding a reason to push myself further (not harder, mind u) , thank u , and to all the people supported me , THANK U EVEN MORE, i hope i can continue being the old me , evan when i become a new me


Saturday, May 7, 2011

My first memories -1

Been a long time now, when I look back I see a trail I have left behind, not the best trail that one could leave, but anyway its mine, I have always had the fear that i may someday be rendered redundant, thank god thats not happening soon, for there lies a path ahead of me, that seems good enough atleast for now.
The title was not to suggest that,
unlike many of my brethren who came from towns back then I came from a village, and a village that most people do not know exists even now, except a selcet few, thats when I found myself in HOSTEL, I was 5 then, and the year was 1993, no fond memories of back then, but I remember my first evening very clearly and vividly, a scared little child, thrust out into the unknown, having completley no idea what had just happened.
I vividly remember RAMESH Daju, from singtam was in class 9 or 10 then, when my parents were arranging my belongings, he had taken me out for a walk and shown me the hostel compound, it was a big place, I walked around with him unaware to the fact that I would live in this place for the next 10 years, he showed me the place quite beautifully I remember, one view in particular remains very fresh and vivid in my mind the view of the road turning, on the seperation to the church path, maybe ill attach a picture later if i can of what it looks like now although it must not be as good as it was back then, that was in the afternoon.
then my parents left, I remember seeing many kids crying, all were older because I was only among the 3 people in UKG , thy were crying, wailing, but i was unaware what was going around so i dint even know whether to cry or not, then evening came, other older people were enjoying, recollecting how their vacations were but I sat all alone on my neatly arranged bed, for being new I was yet to make any friends then, all were talking in SMATTERING ENGLISH which I could not because I was still to get into the groove, but later yes I spoke SMATTERING ENGLISH too, small and lonely I dint know what to do, whom to talk to or how to adapt, a 5 year kid caught unaware.
as I wrote this post the picture I have in my head is very vivid and clear, I have forgotten many memories I have from back then but I remember the first day very clearly, and hope to retain it for the future too, another thing is that as I wrote this post , my throat clogged and i was at a loss of words, I cannot speak if someone comes into my room right now, my tear glands to have have become activated and a wet feeling is getting into my eyes, when I think of it I really feel for myself, I REALLY REALLY do, every kid who went to a hostel would understand , others cant, but i hope u do try.
P.S i have attached the location too so you can check that one out