CRUMPLED PIECES OF PAPER

Do u know what it actually feels like to be crushed, many of u say yes, because its just a feeling, now again, do u know what it actually is like to be crushed???? , Not feel it remember, you can feel like it many times but to really be crushed is something that I wish no one has to go through, and remember it’s the worst things that could happen to you.

And yet many of us go through that harrowing experience, and I say this because I’ve been through them myself, and met many more people who have been through it too. The feeling of the walls closing in on you when you sit all alone in the room, the feeling of the world crashing up on you, the feeling of the dry sore throat, which remains like that no matter water you drink, the pain that you go through with every gulp, the wet eyes that cannot shed tears, just because that feeling is too big to be even be able to cry, and more of those feelings, they are things I would never want to have to go through again, and yet the shadow of them looms over every one of us because somewhere sometime someone gets beat down and that’s when your ordeal starts.

Before you presume that it was for a girl, let me make it clear it was not, but for most people it is, well co incidentally not for me though, so im on the better side of things till now, but yes ive been crushed, so I know the feeling is all the same at the end of the day.

But its not the ordeal, the being crushed part I hate the most, it’s the weeks that follow, you know you need get back to normal, and you cannot survive in all that misery thrust upon yourself, move over it and resume your normal life. Things become a drag, loved ones become a bother just because you wish to be left all alone, food becomes another obligation, music seems like a noise and the things that once made you smile are just seen with emotionless eyes, and you become a shadow of what you once were, that’s what life does to you and survival becomes meaningless then.

But yet as time passes by we come back from the dead wiser if I may say so, and as they say time heals all the wounds, but deep wounds leave behind ugly scars, scars that only we know of, scars that scare us about the things go by, scars that will never let us be the same again. As crumpled pieces of paper once crushed cannot become the same smooth pieces once again, the same happens with our lives no matter how hard we try we cannot become our old selves once again, you may get close but never the same again.

And then the inevitable happens, and this is the utterly disgusting part of being crushed, whenever something that reminds you of things that went by that fateful time happen you retreat into your shell, you change for sometime, suddenly afraid and terrified once again, something that comes by every once and then.

Well I had my bad times as these and now am better, yet yes I do come across things that remind me of those times I wriggled on the floor, in pain, despair and misery, the times I felt like asking if things were indeed fair, the times when I was like a piece of crumpled paper lying in one corner that no one cared to notice, that small blob of pulp on the ground, and I know exactly what I mean right here because I have been there, so whenever I come across people who have been through the same as me I tend to look at them from a different angle, not of criticism but of appreciation , for their courage to hold on, for their gusto to keep fighting, for the energy in them and also for the way they have managed to hold themselves together after all that they have been through, its hard to cut through the ice though, the skeptics we become once we have been through that, also who wants to be seen as a weak person , its something we best deny , yet I wish to understand , something in me says that I should come forward, something that I should do  as a fellow struggler , as someone who has held on, let me know what others have been through, for it is indeed good to know that there are many of you, and your are not all alone in the sea of faces, I have been misunderstood a couple of times, stirred up some wrong emotions and also many a times struck the wrong chords for my approach yet I know that it would not hurt to know someone better and someday I will indeed be understood, for what ive been through, and for what I strive to do and learn.

I so every time I see a crumpled paper on the ground I tend to bend down and pick it up to see what inside, because none knows what it holds inside, who knows someday you may just come across something that may just change your life, so until then I continue to pick up those small blobs from the corners, seeking answers to my questions and trying to answer the questions that they may hold.

PS: this post is inspired by a painting made by someone who ive gotten to know here, I really liked the theme and was sitting in the office when the net was slow , and the painting suddenly crosses my mind so typed this, and will upload it later, so that’s why the name “CRUMPLED PIECES OF PAPER”, though i do not know how close i actually got to the actual theme of the painting the artist had intended to convey

I MAKE THE CHANGE !!!!!!

I know all of this is something many people have written about over and over before me but some things are best left unsaid , and this is what this post is all about, people say a lot of stuff, I do too and I accept with all the responsibilities that come with it.
you see I was never serious about things in my life, I mean seriously not serious, every day came and went and I continued, but now its been sometime and after all this time I've come to realize that change is something that I can do, something I can work on and make sure that I do well . Also change is a slow process it seems, and I've chosen for green organic change, and although it is a bit unconventional and stuff but its pretty easy, and no big needs to be done about it if you just add a few minute details it all adds up to it and becomes real easy.
two things I have been doing and I've come to be proud of, or rather 3 or 4 , ill mention all that I can remember , small changes that make a difference to my tomorrow and things that can make u stand up and think
 1) carry a backpack- now i know all of us do this , esp the younger folk but how many of us put it to use properly, I mean its been quite sometime since I accepted a polythene bag from a store, I just tuck whatever I buy into my bag and tell them to save the bag, that makes one less for the world to deal with, and its simple , just carry a small bag wherever u go and imagine how much of a difference you could make with that MINUTE change to your lifestyle and if u really need the bag, accept it, but make sure you just don't dump it once u keep your stuff, re-use it as many times as possible, that surely would help make our world a better place to live .................
2) I carry my own water- I carry a bottle of water wherever I go and if I need a fill up I just go to a nearby restaurant and ask them to help me fill it up, and they always oblige, so that's a lot of lesser plastic bottles, transportation issues and money saved too, and I always have fresh water to drink, and for those who want cold water, get a thermal jacket for your bottle that would help you keep it cool, and I know a thermal jacket and bottle sound like an investment but imagine the gains you make for yourself in the long term, and you helped to make the world a better place to live in once again.........................
3) I use a ceramic cup- I know this sounds a bit odd but for the folks who work at offices like mine and who take regular water and coffee breaks , its easy to fathom the difference, 15 cups saved in a day, that's about my count, and imagine what I help reduce in one year, just writing " WE REALLY CARE ABOUT THE ENVIRONMENT , IS PRINTING THIS MAIL REALLY NECESSARY" at the bottom does not make a difference, using reusable cups does, and its easy too , and as already said above you helped make the world a better place to live in once again .....................
4) i CYCLE-  its been 101 days today, 25 km a day minimum, so get the calculations done yourself, imagine the savings in petrol/diesel, maintenance costs, gym fees, time savings and also the gain in fitness(i still don't have a six pack though), seriously I do I need say more, I know we can complain about the traffic and stuff and how hard it is to start, but yes I huffed and puffed initially , but I did start and I made sure I stayed on track and today I do that distance in an hour with ease, and without losing sweat, and about the traffic worries, USE A HELMET, and ride responsibly and once people realize Ur a serious rider trust me people respect you on the road, and yes once there are many of us I feel there will be better traffic conditions and better respect on the road for all of us, and not to forget the reduction of GREENHOUSE GASES and also NO. OF CARS ON THE ROAD, that sure should help reduce the traffic congestion, and yet again you just helped make the world a better place to live in .........

that's some of the changes that suit my life, they may suit yours or may not, but there is always something that suits your way of life, so please BE THE CHANGE in your small way, do your thing, your way, make the difference and help make the world a better place to live in ............................

YEEE HAWWWWW..............................

thats an interesting title, isnt it ?????
to hell with u if u disagree, and i never cared about what u thought anyway , its my blog and i write as much bullshit as i can and will continue to do so with complete disregard about what u think, anyway u guys never leave back a feedback so i ensure that until u start doing so i get to continue with whatever i like !!!

damn i do get carried away sometimes though as is what happened above, now about today , i set my alarm for 6, and it did its duty by trying to wake me up, but the poor me ditched its efforts dint go with the flow and on the pretext that i had 2 more hours to go until i had to leave kept sleeping,  and as is the case when u sleep when my eyes open and i check out what time it is , i see thats its 9:30 already, the last time im allowed in to register a punch in if im to be marked present for the whole day, so then i again sleep until 10, call up my boss and tell him that ill be joining him after lunch, and sleep again, and the best part, i actually have a regular job( we are not supposed to enjoy the little pleasures in life) anyway so then i do my usual little grooming (if u replace the little with SPARSE that would do it more justice) and i step out, eat breakfast( which happened after more than a month) and ride to office( on my bike, not my motorbike mind u). and here i am in the office writing away in all my glory even after all ive been through today (its a good life anyway, have fun when u can), unmindful of all the things that are happening around me, it sure is a good life ha , so say YEEEEE HAWWWWW and have fun .

thats for today though, and some other things have come too that have been nice to talk about, had a good new year start, dint have any plans but my rommies frens came over and we had a small party at our place, complete with dancing and hooting, much to the annoyance of the family downstairs, and then had dinner at 5( dinner or breakfast, call it whatever u like) and then without sleep stepped out for my sunday ride ( i do long rides on sunday), met people and i come to know of a plan that they wanted to go to a place around 80 km from here, beat that, but the normal me takes over and though a little sleep deprived i decide im up for it, so we ride out in the mist, and LO i do my first ride of over 100 KM IN A DAY (did 120) and although due to some change of plans we decided to decrease the distance it was fun anyway, and here is a pic too to remind u of the ride , and also an attachment to see how much i did that day !!

thats me on the halol expressway