ALCOHOL....

alcohol is a taboo .........

atleast that is what people prefer to tell the moment it pops up in a regular conversation , but to tell you the fact the people who usually prefer to refrain from this topic usually turn out to be the most voracious drinkers the world has ever seen , so basically translating to the fact that me being a self confessed social drinker and am equally at ease with all forms of alcohol as i am with either juice or water so hardly makes any difference to me more so when conditions are such, sometimes the break between two pegs is more than 6 months and sometimes it is not even 6 hours , and in both conditions i am more than at ease with it.
oh yes coming back to the topic of alcohol, i remember the day i had my first taste of it , it was a bitter tasting smelly liquid which i had a hard time digesting, i was even more suprised that people loved this substance and that they actually relished the experience of drinking it , celebrated drinking it too and it was really expensive ...


WELL THAT WAS THEN......


now quite a few years down the line those lines i just wrote above have been rendered obsolete(unfortunately) and my notions about the stinky bitter liquid i had first tasted have changed and i like many others who shared a very similar notion for the LIQUID in the beginning have become a connoisseur of sorts of the liquid .
this transition from a teetotaler to a drinker to a social drinker to the person that i am time has taken a fair amount of time and it has been a very interesting journey indeed .

today i am not even a social drinker if i can call myself so , so i have come up with a new name for people who surprisingly happen to fall in the same category , im an AS IS WHERE IS  drinker and to cut the long story short i basically fulfill all my demand whenever i come across free booze ..
now !! now !!!!!!!! no misconceptions here please , i am not a cheepo its just that i hate to spend on cheap booze , and my friends are obsessed with the stuff lower down the price list so i usually have acess to that stuff and i make the most of it , but i have better taste and i am not bragging when i say this but for a guy like me who stays in a SARKARI , mind you SARKARI college far away from home spending a 1000 bucks on a bottle of alcohol is unheard of , so when i do spend which is even more rare than the blue moon occuring i do relish on good booze (read : SCOTCH)..

also im not a whiskey guy at heart but given my situation that is what is on offer for free most of the time so i make the most of every opportunity before me , im more of the beer guy , i started off with it anyway so it has always been close to my heart , i have always had a soft corner for the BITTER ones , and when i say this i am leaking a secret as i hate other bitter stuff readily available around me ( read : KARELA) , but it always has been  beer for me all the way ,  its cheap, hits well, lasts long , the trip slope gradients are much smoother i.e the trip comes and goes smoothly, and best of all i have never had a hangover with it ( not even sure u have a hangover with beer or not) but beer it is all the way, and given my stringent standards , usually other forms of alcohol dont make the cut ( applicable only when i am buying for myself)

and i know that once having gone through this post you too drink and have your own notions of the stuff but well that is your notion anyway , not mine , but i would love to know of it so please spend some time and jot it down and comment on the space below .....

P.S  thanks to Arun Kumar for the Liquid and HAPPY BIRTHDAY....

signing off here

Again !!!!!!

i can literally sniff the resentment now when i write this !!!!!!!!
getting back on track now , today i had a surge of emotion , a pain from within , a deep rooted feeling of being not wanted , not that i had not got much of it earlier but today it took me by surprise and completely overwhelmed me
i cried(dint shed tears BTW) inside myself , and i felt bad for myself, i went to a isolated location and came to terms with my misery , what else could i do for i do not want to take the help of alcohol though there are two full bottles ok whiskey lying in my room, but they are for good times anyway so dint solicit their help
so moving on , i finally decided to change some things for better now
hope i am sucessful with them , and i do not want to reveal what changes i have decided upon because i do not want to end up making a fool out of myself , but one thing is for sure that the guy who writes this blog tomorrow will not be the one who writes it today !!!!!!!!!!
best of luck to myself i guess !!!!!!!

have a good evening and i hope you get a life because reading my blog is the last thing even i would want to do , so please get a life !!!!!

HEY!!!!!!!

my sincere and deepest apologies to rahul da and avvantika , i am really thankful for you both inspiring me to write but i am really really sorry that i could not thank you in a sane state and i frankly hope that when we do meet in person i am sane and would like to thank you in person , and will forever will thank you for the event in which you both have unknowingly contributed so much !!!!!!!!!!!!
so please accept my deepest apologies
as i can expect and am almost too sure both of you have already gome through my last post and no need to worry i have read it more than 3-4 times daily myself too and i am all smiles everytime i go through it so i fianally decided not to delete it . (atleast for now)
oh yes i would like to continue from where i left last time and again no worries as i am not going to be drunk anytime soon again so i trust me when i say that i am all sane and strong today
yes i will not normally accept it but sometimes i am so lost , so lost that i go numb and if you have gone through ""LONELINESS"" then you probably have a idea of the cravass that lies within me , i prefer from looking down when i walk past but like all humans sometimes my legs slip and i fall back into these deep and dark places of isolation and separation and i do not hate it when i am deep down there .
i do not hate the tow contrasting sides of myself , i actually love them for they are completely at peace with each other , they do not interfere with each other and when i am with one of them the other lets go of me , it is the times of transition i am most worried about , the times when i am neither happy nor sad , the times when my two sides are not at peace
i have always been alone , i have had a very few close friends , even fewer confidantes, in the end i ended covering myself in layer after layer but i finally resolved to untangle my inner self
inside me is a mess that even the most difficult crossword seems like a cakewalk , so now i am going to dump all the bullshit here and end my misery in that , all the worthless things is all you all will be getting to read for quite sometime , and i hope you dont mind as all of it is going to make a pretty good read
i was not a very wild and extreme kid but my extremes seem like k2 from far away , definitely not the tallest but definitely something every LULE PAANGRE (read- everyone) has conquered
i hope you get humor in what i write for i am just a novice !!!!!!!!

hello

have you ever tried tryingg to post a blog update when you are shit drunk well i am just trying to do just that so i hope this comes out pretty wll as my respect hinges on that
i am not drunk because i am having a rough hase but u see i am realy havinga rought ime and my friend got a job   in tata motos and ia juat got free booze and i decided to dink like shit

first i woul like to thank my inspiration wo i could nevrr do in a sane satae as i was busy with all bullshit  so thanks rahul da nd  avvantika for inspiring me to cool off and pour my bullshit into the net and if i am ever to thank u in person i always will and tahnk u again
also now coming to the reason why i am drunk
why the fuck am i drunk anyway , no rason  my fucked up brain can think of , anf of all fucked up things i could i even chatted for over an hour in a semi concious state on being happy with a guy i have no clue about
beat that ha
my room is in a mess because my friend decided to host his party in my rtoom
so fuck u asshole and you better come and clean up the mess in the afternoon because i am in no fucking way opening the door in the morning and i beter get some seep
what tye fuck i got drink without no reason and i have no idea why i am writing this blog post anyway but nyhow i guess u all are having a good sleep in ur warm beds when i am writing this post so fuck u assholes
i will get a bette r post when ia m sane ok
so fuck you and have a sex less night which i know you desperate souls will anyway
so fuck odff and clse this page ok assholes
get lost now
fuck u

For my lonley soul........

i am all alone in my room right now, the music plays in the background, i do not really care which song plays , why should i care ? and will my caring make any difference .
i do not wish to sound like a person with issues , but like everyone i actually have issues with myself, things i try to hold within me , things i can only bear to bring out when i am with myself and myself only.
loneliness is one thing i have tried to come to terms with , but never have actually managed to do so. i have for the most part of my life been a loner , not the openly a loner type but yes i have been alone for the most part of my life , i have had friends , very good ones indeed and for their company will forever remain grateful. i still have those friends and still cherish their company .
i also have many of those hi hello friends too, most of them fall in that part i guess and no offense at that because all they know of me will not even be able to fill up and create a proper resume.

but beyond all that i am alone , and maybe i will always continue to be. i have always cherished company of any kind but deep inside is a me who nobody has seen, a me nobody has even heard from , a me who is the real me, the lonely me. the calmness on the surface of a river always hides the turbulence that lies beneath and so all the turbulence inside me remains within myself , away from the sight of the onlooker, who always sees the cheerful calm me, but how will he ever come to know the pain that hides beneath my smile, the pain only i know of.
maybe not to be understood is better than being misunderstood , but does not everyone have one of those wishes of someone understanding you , someone who sees the pain within.
i do not know why i  say this and am writing this but someday and somewhere everyone has one of these moments when we think, we try and see within ourselves.
but loneliness has been with me forever ,and will always continue to be, i have chosen to not seek solace in alcohol nor nicotine for this is the best high you can ever have, a high that takes time to reach a high that lies deep in the cravass within yourself , a high so deep that people fear even the mere mention of it , yet i seek solace in this high where all that is with me is myself free from everything.

Innovations.......................

i had actually thought of writing this yesterday but as you know in a stuck life like mine things you want to happen hardly ever happen and in the end i dint write it
yesterday was fun if i can say so not the kind of fun maybe you folks have but i remember one of my sisters ex telling me that you should learn to innovate and make the most of the things you have and INNOVATE we did indeed , and what an innovation at that , seems yesterday was lohri but seems i ended pronouncing it somewhat weirdly and my friends ended up having a good laugh at that (damm my accent), ok getting back to the innovation part , ha where was i ??????
oh ya innovating and making the most of what we have, so had a flashback just now so let me jot that down too
the first semester was hardly what i had expected , the rat race concept was too high for my old and primitive and remote RADIO to pick up the frequency and had a tough time at that , another thing was when i thought of college i too wanted to go to a good interesting college ,and i ended up in what was its exact opposite , fuck it took an hour just to get to town and town???????? fuck you cant even call it town , sikkim in switzerland( in bubu's words) and i too got the feel of his words then......
so when i began my second semester i had a chance to meet the now Ex and he helped me out and though he will forever will remain an Ex i will be grateful for those words my entire life
yes now to the innovation part , i then learnt that naga's are no longer cannibals though the occasional dog feast continued well into my third year , also forget the rats on the ground when you COULD GET HIGH AND SOAR UP IN THE SKY , so much was the soaring that sometimes almost had an ICARUS moment but no matter at that , im still alive and kicking, those village booze sessions i remember the first time i had it i had to close my nose with one hand and hold the glass in another,  well that shit no longer smells bad , guess i just got immune to it now, went frog hunting in our college lakeside( beat that) and to be frank frog legs are just awesome , so much so into the naga life , since i was only the born sikkimese here those guys really did treat me well, and to add to the tally, fried grasshoppers taste similar to kurkure so dont smirk your faces now that you know what it tastes like , i will never forgot these nagas , they are the family i have here well not exactly , the whole family includes all the nagas and two nepali guys one from mizoram and the other from meghalaya so having those two lost souls also opened for me also  the doors to the mizo and garo kitchens and parties we had in our campus.......... also i think i should not forget manipuri and auranachali guys whose came a close second!!!!!!!!!!!
necessity the mother of invention and i have a first hand experience in that , and if there ever was a degree awarded to really Kaam Chalao innovations then i would not have needed to spend the 4 full years here..
then as time passed i met some whackos like me from the mainland too and lo what company they made..
as i moved on through my second year and third year the population of my beloved naga and garo senior decreased and those mainland guys are my last refuge now
fun was anything and literally anything like climbing up the 70 feet high freestanding tank with vertical stairs just for the thrill of it or go swimming to that filthy lake inside our college campus , what joy in all that
and before it gets too late the reason for missing my writing schedule , yes seems yesterday was lohri and the whacko from kasmir comes to my room at 10 an tells me that during lohri you make a fire and enjoy its warmth , so seems they remembered that the firewood was in my room( heck yeah i have firewood in my room), and they needed it , so the disturbance ..
handing out the firewood i realized that maybe i should join it too and off i went and we ended up having a really funny bonfire dedicating some pieces of discarded old college furniture to the fire god along with my firewood on the terrace !!!!!
actually the firewood was brought to the hostel from the shop by us one fine day when we figured out we wanted to have a barbecue on the terrace from the college sweetshop telling we would pay up for it later ,
its been 3 months now and its time we paid up for his firewood but i guess it would be pretty funny if you saw college students settling dues they need to pay ,
i have now spent almost 4 years here with some months to spare and i know that this innovative streak will continue , ironically the education i am getting here is also supposed to teach me to innovate but well by the sight of it looks somewhere early on the line something went bad , but no regrets at it
after all ""INNOVATION IS INNOVATION""  no matter of what kind or magnitude, and i really do not know whether my innovations have changed something for the better but it definitely has changed my life and that is ALL THAT MATTERS atleast for now!!!!!!!!!!!!

P.S this is not the post i intended to be my second but went with the flow so i hope you all dont mind and i really remember your contribution to get me writing so i will remember it no matter what so i hope to do it in a later post !!!!

Thanks Dad!!!!!!!

please dont have some prior conceptions looking at the title and i am actually equally greatful to my mom too so nothing to hang on to here!!!
well nothing great to say here actually !!!!!!!!!!!
but guess i got to start somwhere anyway so here is my first leap into the seemingly unknown, well unknown to me for the start...........

well was going through a couple of blogs last night , well it was not just last night it was the whole day as well and in fact the time i had to spare before that too.
guess it had to start somwhere so here i am in this world hoping to write what i wish to , well somethings that i may not wish too(esp. when under influence) so i finally decided to have a start and well here i am writing something on and on, but well i hope it does not get too long too because i have a bad relationship with literature so well will try to do the least amount of damage as possible...
 essentially i should maybe have thanked the people who inspired me to write but that will follow soon after this so no offence and i will make sure i do full justice to your unknown stimulation that got my creative juices flowing, so hang on till then please
well i thought this over and i finally came to a point where i had to decide what i had to write in my first blog post so well i decided that it should be dedicated to the people who mean literally everything , i say literally everything because there is a small corner where other things that are also important for me are housed but as you must have figured out they are not as important as they are!!!!!!!!!

THIS POST IS DEDICATED TO MY PARENTS!!!!!!!!!!
enough of the rambling so getting on to business well to be frank well i hardly have spent any time with them in my life , maybe i have spent more time in travel than i have with them, F*&k i've spent more time with my brother than with my parents ....
yet those two people are the ones i adore the most , and miss the most too, the missing part comes in especially because i have spent 14 years of the 21 years i have existed on this planet in a hostel and of the remaining 7 5 are between the ages 0-5 where i hardly remember anything so well you get the idea how much time i have spent with my parents!!!!
well i do not know how many of you out there had this too but you see i have been one of the more fortunate ones who have had the good fortune of having parents who believed in unconventional parenting, so over the years i have found them to be more good friends of mine than most of the people from my generation i know nothing great there, but well you see the very little time that i have spent with them have been the most fun filled learning experiences ever..... we were never pushed into anything and i really mean never ever , we always were told the pro's and con's of things an told to chose between them, i was never held by hand and tugged to follow my parents but always were encouraged to walk on our own and not fear to fall because they were just behind us but walk we had to ............
they have always left me FLOORED, but never GROUNDED , always encouraged me to move forward but never pushed me for it.....
mom has always been the soother as most moms are but dad is the one who always blows my head off and i say this literally because the last time i had my dad whip me was in Jan 1993, quite a long time back i say ha, i have never had an instance where i have been answered with a straight and blank NO in the face, maybe he never needed to but that is another story altogether .
some things i would like to relate should hlp get things in better light ......
the defining moment in my life was when i decided to study engineering ,and on top of that Mechanical Engineering, well this was a big tragedy in my family quite literally because i had done pretty well in the state medical enterance examinations and was therefore assured a berth in one of the better medical colleges of the country, imagine the disappointment my cousins and relatives had to go through when i broke to them the news that i would opt out of the seat......
well it does not end there anyway that year was 2007 and the software industry in India was in full BOOM and well since i wanted to study engineering why not opt for electronics or computer sciences they reasoned well i was not buying any of that  CRAP too, another insult to injury was left too , i come from a state where civil engineers are  treated like royalty , mostly because the huge wealth they have amassed at the cost of  simple populace of my home state so well no medical no computer no electronics so at-least study civil man !!

on the evening before the counselling my dad came home after his job and he was pretty tired too since he had had to stay late in the office..
he came home and after getting settled he asked me what i had decided to do and then i said that i still stood to my choice and the person who had been the most silent bystander all the way right from the date the results had been declared , uttered the most powerful words i have ever had someone tell me  in my entire life
he said ""see i will have to pay the fees and you will have to do the studying none of those people providing the free advice to you are going to be there or are they help you when you are in trouble
SO TAKE THE DECISION AND STAND BY IT and dont worry about anything else""
that sentence has been resounding in my head ever since and has changed the course of my life forever because i know he will forever be there behind me lest i fall !!!!!!!!!

ALWAYS THERE FOR ME !!!!!!!!!!
 well will write more of these episodes in my later posts, i hope you like my first post and please share and comment , your comments make a world of difference to me !!!!!!!!