CRUMPLED PIECES OF PAPER

Do u know what it actually feels like to be crushed, many of u say yes, because its just a feeling, now again, do u know what it actually is like to be crushed???? , Not feel it remember, you can feel like it many times but to really be crushed is something that I wish no one has to go through, and remember it’s the worst things that could happen to you.

And yet many of us go through that harrowing experience, and I say this because I’ve been through them myself, and met many more people who have been through it too. The feeling of the walls closing in on you when you sit all alone in the room, the feeling of the world crashing up on you, the feeling of the dry sore throat, which remains like that no matter water you drink, the pain that you go through with every gulp, the wet eyes that cannot shed tears, just because that feeling is too big to be even be able to cry, and more of those feelings, they are things I would never want to have to go through again, and yet the shadow of them looms over every one of us because somewhere sometime someone gets beat down and that’s when your ordeal starts.

Before you presume that it was for a girl, let me make it clear it was not, but for most people it is, well co incidentally not for me though, so im on the better side of things till now, but yes ive been crushed, so I know the feeling is all the same at the end of the day.

But its not the ordeal, the being crushed part I hate the most, it’s the weeks that follow, you know you need get back to normal, and you cannot survive in all that misery thrust upon yourself, move over it and resume your normal life. Things become a drag, loved ones become a bother just because you wish to be left all alone, food becomes another obligation, music seems like a noise and the things that once made you smile are just seen with emotionless eyes, and you become a shadow of what you once were, that’s what life does to you and survival becomes meaningless then.

But yet as time passes by we come back from the dead wiser if I may say so, and as they say time heals all the wounds, but deep wounds leave behind ugly scars, scars that only we know of, scars that scare us about the things go by, scars that will never let us be the same again. As crumpled pieces of paper once crushed cannot become the same smooth pieces once again, the same happens with our lives no matter how hard we try we cannot become our old selves once again, you may get close but never the same again.

And then the inevitable happens, and this is the utterly disgusting part of being crushed, whenever something that reminds you of things that went by that fateful time happen you retreat into your shell, you change for sometime, suddenly afraid and terrified once again, something that comes by every once and then.

Well I had my bad times as these and now am better, yet yes I do come across things that remind me of those times I wriggled on the floor, in pain, despair and misery, the times I felt like asking if things were indeed fair, the times when I was like a piece of crumpled paper lying in one corner that no one cared to notice, that small blob of pulp on the ground, and I know exactly what I mean right here because I have been there, so whenever I come across people who have been through the same as me I tend to look at them from a different angle, not of criticism but of appreciation , for their courage to hold on, for their gusto to keep fighting, for the energy in them and also for the way they have managed to hold themselves together after all that they have been through, its hard to cut through the ice though, the skeptics we become once we have been through that, also who wants to be seen as a weak person , its something we best deny , yet I wish to understand , something in me says that I should come forward, something that I should do  as a fellow struggler , as someone who has held on, let me know what others have been through, for it is indeed good to know that there are many of you, and your are not all alone in the sea of faces, I have been misunderstood a couple of times, stirred up some wrong emotions and also many a times struck the wrong chords for my approach yet I know that it would not hurt to know someone better and someday I will indeed be understood, for what ive been through, and for what I strive to do and learn.

I so every time I see a crumpled paper on the ground I tend to bend down and pick it up to see what inside, because none knows what it holds inside, who knows someday you may just come across something that may just change your life, so until then I continue to pick up those small blobs from the corners, seeking answers to my questions and trying to answer the questions that they may hold.

PS: this post is inspired by a painting made by someone who ive gotten to know here, I really liked the theme and was sitting in the office when the net was slow , and the painting suddenly crosses my mind so typed this, and will upload it later, so that’s why the name “CRUMPLED PIECES OF PAPER”, though i do not know how close i actually got to the actual theme of the painting the artist had intended to convey