Backbreaker

A few days back i had to make the trip to my mothers ancestral village located in one of the lesser known corners of sikkim, as always i was alone for the trip and had to go alone. I remember making that trip a lot of times since childhood and i realize that little has changed about the trip over the years. The road was completed in 1991 as far as i remember so i have been using that road from the early years of my childhood. Back then when the road came to be having a road in the village was a big thing in itself so i guess no one actuallly cared how good or bad it was as long as the odd vehicle was able to ply on it for most of the year. Thats how it started.

20 odd years have passed since , i've become older and many other things seemed to have moved on, a new generation of vehicles plies on that road, gone are the old jeeps, then came the "COMMANDER"", i take its name with respect, now is the time for sumo and maxx but all have the same old road to travel. The 11 odd kilometeres from PAKYONG the nearest town takes well over an hour that too if it is a sunny dry day otherwise you can expect to be in your seats for atleast a hour and half.
Now i know the era of the SUV has come in since a few years back, but unfortunately people from my moms village have none because i guess no SUV would have got a better road expesure better than travel on that road for a year or so, when you begin the trip itself you start to shake and sway and with potholes as good as small ponds and slush so deep that you could plant paddy on them without much effort you can just start imagining how good the condition of the road is. And add to that the numerous landslides and non availability of drains on the road and all the overflow passing through the road you get a bettter picture of what conditions are like, yet the people of the place still conmtinue to endure all that without any concern, why be concerned when all the system is pitted against you and you cannot grease the palms of the officials enough, imagine a road lying in dispair in our very own sikkim for over 20 years without any major mantainence, you begin to get an idea about the SIKKIM I COME FROM, the real sikkim far beyond the so called beauty and tourism potential of gangtok, far beyond the plastic exteripor of what most of you know about sikkim, the real sikkim, the true sikkim.
and BACK-BREAKER is a name dedicated to the road for every time i get back home to Gangtok all my bones are rattling and all my body aching, so if you guys have enough cash to BUY A GOOD SUV i would invite you all for a road trip to my moms village, trust me it will be worth the effort both for you and your machines for it is a shame to see the beautiful powerful and  (so called)  rugged  machines not see any real action on the field at all.

this post is written as an ode to the ROAD(so called) and the people and machines who brave it everyday, a silent salute to all of you !!!

NOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

no i dont want to grow up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
please!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
i seriously dont want to fucking grow up !!!!!!!!!!!!!!
thats what has been on the back of my head since the days my exams started getting over , so when  i got home all my cousins start calling me names and SIR bullshit , all i say to them is that i may be whatever at work but im just your brother at home so cut the bulllshit.
when u stand at crossroads you do not want to leave the past behind , as is the case with me , time is making me responsible and stuff but im not following it out of choice , its a compulsion i have decided to take on , but atleast at places other than work i seriously do not want to be that RESPONSIBLE BLOKE , i want to be the widely unruly , unpredictable and STUCK up kid that i have always been , holding everyone in confusion about what i will do next.

im not one of those people who do not accept growing up, i gladly accept it and will, but thats at work , not at home , so as long as i am here i would always like to be treated as a kid till the day my dad choses to pass on the baton of responsibility onto me
 and yes its my last month of freedom so making the most out of it , went to nainital 2 days after i got home , my cousins finished school from there and they had some reunion or stuff , they dint to go with their parents so i am the EASY PICK , responsible enough for my uncles and LIBERAL enough for my cousins , so i went along , got into the gang and though i seemed to be a little overgrown , once i got into the groove i enjoyed with those high school kids like i was one of them , felt like my own high school afterparty. and dad is finally smiling and joking  along with me when i chat with my parents in the evening , its a good experience being home as a grown up , but still unruly lad , SERIOUSLY FUN, growing up gives you the independence and being still unruly lets you have the fun , anyway when i home i hardly stay still , as in at one place long enough so the posts will only be a trickle ,
so until the last day of independence ends , i will enjoy home , will keep you all updated anyway about all the bullshit passing along
signing off on a cool himalayan morning . light drizzle and 18 degrees , with a light sunshine coming in through the window
KEEP THE FUN ALIVE !!!!!!!!!!!!!

the E.N.D

To THE OLD ME,

tomorrow my exams are getting over, a chapter ends, the 5 year old me who went to hostel will be coming out a full grown MAN , long times have passed and things have changed, and no matter how much i say i will not i will miss this life, but the change has to come , and no matter how hard i try the change will come so it is in my best interest to accept it, i will cease to remain a student , i will cease to remain dependent on my dad for DOUGH, and although independence is far more enticing and alluring , the life i will leave behind will always remain in my memories ....................

i hope to remain the old me , the me that is so true to myself, the me who has a thirst for knowing things, a thirst for meeting people and seeing new places , a me who fought with odds , a me who was laughed at , a me people questioned what i would make out of my life , a me who always got a thumbs down, a me who always got snubbed, i so love this me ,

and i just read a post saying ""THE PERSON WHO LAUGHS LAST LAUGHS THE LOUDEST"", and after all these years i guess this is the first time i have laughed back, and trust me I COULD NOT HAVE LAUGHED BACK HAPPIER and  LOUDER , in the ultimate end its me who is laughing and you who is mum !!!!!

to all the people who laughed at me, who questioned me , who snubbed me, and who tried to break me , i thank you the most for finding a reason to push myself further (not harder, mind u) , thank u , and to all the people supported me , THANK U EVEN MORE, i hope i can continue being the old me , evan when i become a new me

I WILL MISS YOU,
from THE NOT SO NEW ME

My first memories -1

Been a long time now, when I look back I see a trail I have left behind, not the best trail that one could leave, but anyway its mine, I have always had the fear that i may someday be rendered redundant, thank god thats not happening soon, for there lies a path ahead of me, that seems good enough atleast for now.
The title was not to suggest that,
unlike many of my brethren who came from towns back then I came from a village, and a village that most people do not know exists even now, except a selcet few, thats when I found myself in HOSTEL, I was 5 then, and the year was 1993, no fond memories of back then, but I remember my first evening very clearly and vividly, a scared little child, thrust out into the unknown, having completley no idea what had just happened.
I vividly remember RAMESH Daju, from singtam was in class 9 or 10 then, when my parents were arranging my belongings, he had taken me out for a walk and shown me the hostel compound, it was a big place, I walked around with him unaware to the fact that I would live in this place for the next 10 years, he showed me the place quite beautifully I remember, one view in particular remains very fresh and vivid in my mind the view of the road turning, on the seperation to the church path, maybe ill attach a picture later if i can of what it looks like now although it must not be as good as it was back then, that was in the afternoon.
then my parents left, I remember seeing many kids crying, all were older because I was only among the 3 people in UKG , thy were crying, wailing, but i was unaware what was going around so i dint even know whether to cry or not, then evening came, other older people were enjoying, recollecting how their vacations were but I sat all alone on my neatly arranged bed, for being new I was yet to make any friends then, all were talking in SMATTERING ENGLISH which I could not because I was still to get into the groove, but later yes I spoke SMATTERING ENGLISH too, small and lonely I dint know what to do, whom to talk to or how to adapt, a 5 year kid caught unaware.
as I wrote this post the picture I have in my head is very vivid and clear, I have forgotten many memories I have from back then but I remember the first day very clearly, and hope to retain it for the future too, another thing is that as I wrote this post , my throat clogged and i was at a loss of words, I cannot speak if someone comes into my room right now, my tear glands to have have become activated and a wet feeling is getting into my eyes, when I think of it I really feel for myself, I REALLY REALLY do, every kid who went to a hostel would understand , others cant, but i hope u do try.
P.S i have attached the location too so you can check that one out

a long journey !!!!

been sometime since i last wrote, so i had the time today and its raining outside so decided to scribble a few words down when i could, well that was the concept why i started this blog anyway, much has ben said and done in the month, i completed last month's posts only this month so im in full swing to make sure i get this month's posts up before it finishes.
much has happened over the course over this month, most of the achievements have nothing great about them but i regard accomplishments of any kind no matter how small  to be worth it ,and yes im back to my SOLITARY life, alone and single, and most of the time really liking the experience atleast thats what i am good at i guess, and yes another big change happened too, i got an offer for a job i've been waiting a long long time, wow i feel so relived now, and have choices to make as to which one i should go for now, but i hope its the one i waited for so long
and college is almost over and i should be able to escape from here by the end of may, wow i had been waiting for this day for so so long and now its finally here, nostalgic is something i will not feel much about this place when i get out from here, made some good friends here who id like to keep in touch with, hope to cross paths with some and some are just a pure waste of memory
yes, the best part is im going to be earning soon, and its a good package too so thank god now ill not have to call papa up and say dad this month is proving to be a little expensive so can i please get a little more, not that he says he will not, he always gives me what i need but its sometime a bit inconvenient if i can use the word, but its fine and yes getting posted in Gujrat, Varodara. so from the far east directly to the far west, but a better place by far from this shithole so ill like it i guess, and more things come up now, holidays, packing and bye bye parties had a lot of them this month, enjoyed them too,  cant get much out of my head right now so ill hang up here, and yes please keep reading. i know i write bad but feels good i have 2 followers, already met one and as for the second, i guess i will be having my orientation in delhi for the first month or so, so i would love to meet u in person , maybe ask for a few tips too,
looking forward to a new dimension in life , hope it turns out to be a good one !!!!!
FINGERS CROSSED !!!

March Diaries-3

I just posted the second edition of my March diaries and am determined to post the third instalment of the series so here I move though I guess its pretty late.
So as the second set of 10 days drew to a close I had a job, I could call myself an employed person (if I get my appointment letter later), well almost employed, and I could finally stretch and relax myself with the contention that 4 years of putting up with this place had finally paid off.
yes the third instalment of 10 days started with a bang as I would like to put it , you see we have a tradition of throwing a treat to the entire batch if we get jobs so it was out turn so on 21st we had our time, for I would always eat other peoples treats and wonder if my chance would ever come, well it definitely did come and came well at that too.
On the 22nd I was off to Bangalore or as they now call it Bengaluru, you see I had wanted to make this trip for a long time and I always wanted to do it as a student and it did happen, and all I can say about it was it was among the best laid back times I have had in my entire life.
College was on here, and I was bunking my class, and all I had gone there was to enjoy, and had a good time at that and met a lot of people too, some new faces some old but now that I know them all of them are old anyway.
Some people were fun, real fun infact, Maheep for one was one person who is a very good friend of mine, met him after 3 years, has become real WIDE now and if I don't meet him for another 3 years I have full reason to fear that he will be twice my size my then. Met Alvin da too, one of my real good seniors from school, had lost touch with him but thanks to facebook found him and now we are back in touch, has not changed at all although seemed a lot more mature than back than but still enjoyed meeting him after a full 10 years. Met Rahul da too, one of the people who inspired me to write, real good person, and a smile to kill for, totally the person i had imagined him to be and a real good person at heart. One of our dinners was at Nisha Di and Sachin Da's place, real fun people to be with , and great hosts and a great couple at that. Met Alisha too, one of the only good friends i have from the opposite sex, made her wait for 30 mins at brigade, but the smile melts all the anger anyway, met her after 2 years, she seemed very small, thugh she really is small, but she is still the smiley good girl I knew from school, has become more of a lady now but its all the same with all people I guess as time passed you got to grow up someday, met my brothers friends Vrij, Rahul, Tapan Da, the evergreen star Rob and Prakash. Would have liked to meet more people but i had a time constraint and some things dont work out anyway so left them at that.
I guess my brother deserves a para or so, so this para is for him, he was always the KANCHA (youngest) son type, naughty, complaining, rude and all that, and we both being in the same school our entire school lives I had to always fend for him, we went to the same schools and also were together in most of our younger ages. As all things change I had to leave him when I came to college and after that have met him just thrice for periods not longer than 5 days so it had been long since I had spent some time with him as an elder brother, so this was actually my chance, and it was him who was the actual reason why I visited Bangalore in the first place too, was actually surprised with him, has become much more mature and steadfast now, has shed the child phase behind and that brought a joy in me that he was finally becoming into a man, heck he even has more beard than I do so I guess he is indeed becoming a man.
Came back on the 28th and back to the Zoo as I like o call it and the month ended in a manner that set course to further my existence in life, altogheter a very satisfying time and a good month.
MARCH DIARIES !!!!!!!!!!!

P.S when I was in Bangalore I got that bad news that one of my batch mates hung himself , was a very unfortunate event and should never have happened, anyway for whatever you did it for I hope you find your rightful place in the afterlife ""REST IN PEACE ABISHEK SARKAR"" !!!!!!!!

March Diaries-2

I had started this series some days back and am moving on to the next ten days or so now .
after coming back from silchar i went through one of the moments when i actually felt good about myself and for the person i am, something so came to pass that it will determine my course if not for a long time then atleast for the next few years , well i got an offer for a JOB to put it straight. for many this is too big a joy for many it is another thing among many but for me. i wrote a little a week back and have not got back since. i think im losing touch but i am not , i will write or to better put it make myself write.
anyway the biggest significance of the second set of 10 days in march was that i got a job offer in a core company something i would never have imagined in the wildest of my dreams .